Keychain Contest
Posted in Blog on 21. Aug, 2008
Remember this team? Of course you do. A few years back this time of the summer we were discovering (no pun intended) all of the dastardly deeds that Floyd had done. Remember Alan Lim? He supposedly masterminded and was the little voice in Landis’ head feeding him all sorts of info – “faster, slower, maintain 420, dump water on your head” – during his amazing comeback mountain stage. Lim is now on staff over at the burrito Joe’s camp. You may have seen him lurking in the backseat of the team car during the Tour this year wearing some ridiculously large sunglasses.
Anyway, I came across this keychain in my stash o’ stuff. I guess it was thrown at me that year at the Tour from the caravane publicitaire. I want to give it away. It goes to the best writer of a musing, rant, haiku, limerick, whatever about the team. Post your offerings here. I’ll select one sometime next week.
‘There once was a rider named Floyd, who’s suspected of taking the ‘roid…’
Phil Ligget says he believes Floyd to be innocent. Also, Floyd’s Mom says he is innocent. I think Michael Ball also says Floyd is innocent or treated unfairly or something. Also, Floyd’s doctor friend says Floyd is innocent because the French don’t know how to write numbers correctly (probably because they just had their afternoon pastis). Floyd’s handpicked arbtrator says he is innocent. Even Greg LeMond…wait nevermind.
So, if all these people say he is innocent…..how am I to come to any other conclusion?
Floyd may or may not be a doper, but he did NOT get caught doping in the TdF. False positives are going to happen and I sincerely think that’s what happened to Floyd. Now let’s see if I can turn that thought into a haiku…
found guilty in court
and marring the sport
He’s worse than an infected hemorrhoid
i am innocent
it was probably the booze
oops..
i am innocent
it probably was the booze
please send money
Beth, can you post a picture of yourself I want to believe that you truely are Hot
Little mennonite boy you were, chopping wood and fetchingly pure
found a bike that would take you far, farther away than any car
the mountains called your name, and donning baggy sweats you sped to local fame
You finally shook away the mennonite hue to paint on the Mercury blue
Little mennonite boy you were, now headed to Europe to pay your due
tossed among the boys of speed, harrowing climbs and ferocity
Stood the test and earned respect, the Postal Service finally came to inspect
Little mennonite boy who raced in sweats, now has taken off with all the best
But now the pressure to perform is a blaze, but you withstood the crackling pain haze
You think you can do better than this, thus a new kit charmed you with her kiss
now you can be the star, no more chores and hymns from afar
Little mennonite boy did you remember who you were? Or had fame struck you with her soft purr?
From the French countryside to a defendant’s chair, fame has now left you bare
and Willy Geoghan..we’re surprised he’s not in a ditch..
Drunk-called LeMond and threatened him to be his bitch!
Now LeMond’s secret is out, in his tattered Maillot Jaune he does pout
and Floyd is now the target of joke, lumped together with the scandalous blokes
like Tyson’s bite and De La Hoya’s cross-dressing night
Floyd, Tyler, Santiago, Fabrizio and Sascha, alas poor Phonak is no more
When Googled nothing more than a “Der Klemmpff” on a wanton plain website I get
Somewhere in the back of our minds we might think “it must have been the kits”
Wow.
Cycling Girl, are you pen-doping? You may get the special bonus prize of the Phonak ‘Go For It’ promotional euro pop CD from my personal stash for that.
JK in NC
I’ve been on the beer and whiskey training plan since ‘06 with no positives yet! Well… except for my wife’s pregnancy test. Damn you beer!
If you put 10 pages of photos in the middle of Cycling Girl’s post, it could then be bound and sold as “Positively False.”
JK- can you post that song to the website before you send it to Cycling Girl. I think we could all use a little inspiration.
NIMM- after a quick search of my personal stash, I could not find my ‘Go For It’ Phonak promotional single (with extended dance mix). I then remembered I sent it off as email of the week swag to someone- maybe Rasta? I forget, but it is no longer in my possession. I do however have Phonak: the bucket hat. Maybe the recipient could send me the file with a photo of it & I will post?
JK in NC
hahaha.no pen-doping. who knew they had promo euro-pop singles with x-dance mix ..! Maybe you over-listened and wore it out..?
Cycling Girl penned a classic!! I say a pair of the Slipstreams for that creative genius!!
Yes, I think we have a winner! Well done Cycling Girl. I don’t know what to make of Floyd. I have tried whiskey, beer, vodka, gin and tequila and my testosterone tends to spike within the hour of consumption, not the next day. I haven’t tried to drink then ride. That may be a lot more dangerous that a Cat 5 crit.
After watching the Olympics to date, I can safely say that our cycling, track, diving, boxing and badminton teams were dope free. Are Phelps and Bolt whiskey/beer guys? How about the Chinese divers and Jamaican sprinters? I need to start eating some more Jerk Chicken…or is it the leafy green stuff? I need to get my wife to change the salad, I guess.
Usain Bolt’s performances are strikingly reminiscent of Riccardo Ricco’s from this year’s tour. When I talk to non-cycling fans who are marvelling at this guy, they just dont get it. They call our sport full of dopers, but when I tell them that having been a cycling fan for so long its very easy to spot an “extraterrestrial” performance…to steal a line from Gibo.
We have a winner! Cycling Girl, you are it… by a long shot. Send your mailing address to me and I’ll mail your prize — johng@twojohnspodcast.com
I will email a pic to the 2 johns and they can let you know. I can’t post a pic on the web my future political career depends on being able to ademently and convincingly deny any association with you.
JB, You can rest assured, Beth has verified her hotness with photos. Perhaps she is planning on being part of Big Tex’s often speculated political career- so she must deny an association?
JK in NC
oh thats great, but can she shoot an M4
Hate to disappoint but I only have training on a military issue Beretta and a Desert Eagle MK19.