You can find them on any given Sunday in any given community.  They all seem to have striking similarities.  I am in Orlando, Florida and yesterday did the Windmere ride.  I come down here every year and do the ride so I sort of know the parcours.  This particular ride, this time of year, starts with about 50 people and does a rolling (yes there are some hills in Florida) course.  It is a very competent, nice group of guys who recognized a visitor amongst their ranks and took the time to say “hello” and to point out turns, etc.  With the ride to and from Adam’s house, it’s about 85 miles all told.  There are also 3 “sprint” lines… you know, grown men fighting for the ultimate prize of winning the Sunday Sprint.

Anyway, the similarities.  The usual cast of characters were there. 

The Mouth: He talks at length about how fast he is, how much training he has done, results, how poorly other people are riding, and, especially at the water stop, how he just won the previous sprint.  The Mouth on this ride was actually a decent cyclist and won 2 of the 3 sprints.  He announced to me that he was a “time trial specialist.” 

The Wheel Sucker:  There were at least three in the group.  And they became more obvious once the hammer dropped and I would only see them contesting the sprints.  It’s a training ride guys, take a pull why don’t ‘cha? 

The Matching Team:  I suppose Huntington is this team on our local Saturday and Sunday rides.  Matching bikes, kits, shoes, glasses, et al.  The matching team on this ride were all on Look’s with seat masts and contained a few of the aforementioned wheel suckers.  Others in the group also called them the Spanish Mafia. 

The Triathlete:  Self explanatory.  Didn’t see them after the hills began. 

The Poseur:  Impostor, pretender, someone claiming to be something they are not.  The Poseur on this ride was wearing a full Priority Health Bissell team kit.  They are out of Michigan and we see them and race against them quite a bit.  I know most of the guys on the team.  I ask the Poseur, “so, where did you get that kit?”  He defensively responds, “I ride for this team.”  Really??  What’s you name, other details, etc. quickly out the pretender.  I also didn’t see him after the hills started. 

Happy New Year.  Be careful tonight.  I may have a race report for tomorrow if things do not go too late tonight… 

While John is sunning himself in Florida on holiday, the other John is hard at work preparing for sit-up contest success.

Being limber is critical for sit-up excellence.

No muscle is overlooked.

Prepartion is key.

Now the work begins.

Remember to hydrate for the extreme exertion. 

More crunches. 

Feeling the effects of thousands of crunches.  

The Two Johns will resume regularly scheduled podcasts after the New Year.  

Stay tuned!  

Here’s wishing you good holiday cheer, great riding, more miles, best results, and new carbon for the New Year — from the Two Johns.We saved a glass for you… 

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Lord help us all… the postal posing, the disco delusion, the lance fantasy continues. Please don’t buy one of these, and if for some reason you do, don’t ride it in Cincinnati or I may be forced to run you and your pointy helmet off the road in a $15,000 heap. But hey, shipping is free!!!